Boeuf à la bière

Je vois que la section « invités » est majoritairement occupée par de la bouffe. J'ai pu comprendre que vous aimez la bouffe. J'ai donc pu déduire qu’il fallait ajuster la ligne édito de ce gang anti-nazes.

Aujourd’hui, le bœuf à la bière (et à la moutarde à l’ancienne)!

Donc. T’as faim. Ou non plutôt t’as pas encore faim. Mais tu sais que ça va venir. Il est 16h, t’es tranquillement chez toi, et tu te dis qu’une excellente raison de picoler, c’est de cuisiner avec de la picole. Ni une ni deux, tu te mets en action :

D’abord, tu prends un rôti de bœuf. On est deux, tu prends 600 grammes de rôti parce que on est pas là pour se faire chier (évidemment, on aura à manger pour trois jours).

Selon ton four/la taille de ton plat/ton mood, tu peux le couper en deux de base ou pas. Fais preuve d’initiative quoi.

Là, avec un couteau de qualitay, tu tailles genre trois petits entailles par morceau. Dans cette entaille, tu vas glisser de l’ail. Tu t’emmerdes pas à l’écraser ou quoi, tu découpes une lamelle d’ail et tu fourres ton rôti. Enfin, les trous de ton rôti.

Ensuite, tu donnes tout ce que t’as pour couper un oignon en lamelles. Et tu les disposes autour de la bidoche. ¾ d’oignon feront l’affaire.

 

ATTENTION c’est maintenant que ça devient intéressant. Il va être temps d’inonder la bête dans la bière. Tu auras dit à Cricri de prendre « de la Maredsous ». Il va revenir avec la Maredsous Triple en te disant « j’ai regardé le degré de la blonde, elle est à 6°, je me suis dit que c’était pas assez pour ta cuisine donc j’ai pris la Triple qui chiffre à 10° ». Tu prends un air faussement offensé mais tu notes dans ta tête de bientôt lui demander sa main. (Dans les faits, tu peux le faire à la Triple ou à la blonde simple. Dans tous les cas ceygoûtu.)

Tu verses à peu près 2/3 de la bière (Qui est de 33cl, ndlr pour les nazes) tout autour de la viande. Tu prends bien soin de noyer successivement chaque côté de la viande dans la bière.

Là, tu peux presque te reposer, t’as fait le plus gros. Tu recouvres ton œuvre d’art et hop au frigo. Elle va mariner tranquille deux heures au moins. Tu retournes le tout de temps en temps, tu t’assures qu’elle s’en va pas, et puis tu glandes.

 

Tu te sers le reste de la bière pour ne pas gaspiller. Dans un verre à Chimay parce que Cricri il a pas de verre à Maredsous mais il sent immédiatement le malaise du coup il est déjà en train de chercher où s’en procurer (that’s my man).

Deux heures plus tard, tu sors le monstre du frigo et tu la laisses prendre un peu l’air, se détendre et tout. Et là va intervenir la moutarde à l’ancienne ! Tu en mets deux cuillères à soupe dans ton jus à la bière. Et une cuillère à café au sommet de chacun de tes morceaux. Ne commence pas à faire ça avec de la moutarde classique tu vas m’énerver.

Parallèlement, tu auras attaqué un stoemp. Dans le doute, je vais vous rappeler comment faire du stoemp sinon ça mal finir, je le sens.

Tu prends des patates et des carottes. Tu épluches. Tu tapes tout à cuire dans l’eau bouillante en même temps (comme ça il restera des morceaux un peu plus gros de carottes dans ton stoemp à la fin puisque ça met plus de temps à cuire et ça c’est bon). Quand c’est cuit (ton couteau, la patate, tu connais le test !), tu égouttes, tu mets une bonne tranche de beurre dans le fond, tu écrases, sel, poivre, légère pincette de muscade. Félicitations, tu as fait ton stoemp. Tu peux le garder au chaud tranquillement.

Tu as mis ton four à préchauffer. Genre à 180°, mais on est pas racistes, tu peux mettre à la température que tu veux si tu veux faire foirer toute la recette et ruiner tes efforts, pas mon problème.

Tu tapes la bête dans ton four. Tu la surveilles. Vu l’épaisseur du morceau, tu avises du temps de cuisson. Ici pour 600 grammes on table sur 25 minutes, parce que on l’aime saignant/rosé. De nouveau, si tu veux faire foirer ta recette et le cuire à point ben tu lances le four (pas trop loin, Marie) une heure et ciao.

De temps en temps pendant la cuisson tu hydrates la bête (pas ton mec, la viande), parce qu’elle a soif. Si tu en as envie, c’est également le moment de mettre le quart d’oignon restant de tantôt (si tu t’en souviens. Ça, ça dépendra du nombre de Maredsous qui ont mystérieusement disparues pendant la recette).

Une fois que c’est cuit, c’est le moment de faire de la mise en scène magistrale. Dans l’assiette tu poses le morceau, une petite montagne de stoemp, et tu fais un trou au milieu. POUR METTRE LE JUS DE CUISSON ON GASPILLE PAS ON A DIT. Le jus tu dois en mettre aussi sur la viande.

Puis tant que t’y es, tu sers à tes convives une Maredsous Triple, on a rarement connu un accord mets-boisson aussi simple. Après tu manges. Et t’es heureux. Olala ce que t’es heureux.

#HNTBUGBDN : ne pas faire cette recette avec du Malbec. Même si on aime ça, le Malbec.

 

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